Category: Humor

Please read the ENTIRE message.THERANGEOF8INCHESLONG.THE FUNCTIONING OF WHICH ISENJOYEDBYMEMBERSOFBOTHSEXES.ISUSUALLY FOUND HUNG, DANGLINGREADY LOOSELYFORINSTANTACTION.IT BOASTS OF A CLUMP OFLITTLEHAIRYTHINGSATONEEND ANDSMALLHOLE AT THE OTHER. IN USE, ITISINSERTED,ALMOSTALWAYSWILLINGLY, SOMETIMES SLOWLY,SOMETIMESQUICKLY,INTOAWARM,FLESHY, MOIST OPENING WHEREITISTHRUSTINANDDRAWN OUTAGAINAND AGAIN MANY TIMES INSUCCESSION,OFTENQUICKLYANDACCOMPANIED BY SQUIRMINGBODILY MOVEMENTS.ANYONEFOUNDLISTENING IN WILL MOST SURELY RECOGNIZETHERHYTHMIC,PULSINGSOUND, RESULTING FROM THEWELLLUBRICATEDMOVEMENTS.WHEN FINALLY WITHDRAWN, IT LEAVESBEHINDAJUICY,FROTHY,WHITESTICKYSUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILLNEEDCLEANINGFROMTHEOUTERSURFACES OF…

Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour.  Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles.  Pretend you are looking…

These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in Honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. "No va" means, in Spanish, "it doesn't go."The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It…

Eye halve a spelling chequerIt came with my pea seaIt plainly marques four my revueMiss steaks eye kin knot sea.Eye strike a key and type a wordAnd weight four it two sayWeather eye am wrong oar writeIt shows me strait a weigh.As soon as a mist ache is maidIt nose bee fore two longAnd eye…

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money.  She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"  After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office…

Man's penis cut off by vacuum cleanerLong Branch, New Jersey — Police say a New Jersey man trying to have sex with a vacuum cleaner nearly bled to death.Authorities say the machine cut off a-half inch of his penis.A Long Branch city spokesman says the unidentified man was drunk when it happened.He first told police…

Pedal-powered dialysis machines.Use of antibotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure."Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace."You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.Annual breast exam conducted at hooters.Exam room has a tip jar.You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on…