Dr Wingnut

Category: Humor

  • Dilbert quotes

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    Dr Wingnut
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    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.  Here are some of the submissions:As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in…

  • EXPERTS WARN OF THREAT FROM 100GigaBurg BUG

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the 100GB Bug.As most people know, McDonald's restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB). Within months or even weeks, that number will roll over to…

  • God billboards

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.GodC'mon over and bring the kids.GodWhat part of "Thou Shalt Not…" didn't you understand?GodWe need to talk.GodKeep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.GodLoved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.GodThat "Love Thy Neighbor" thing… I meant it.GodI love you and you and you…

  • Martha Stewart's December Calendar

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.  Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine tails.  Flog Gardener.Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.Get new eyeglasses.  Grind lenses myself.Fax…

  • Interesting things that you learn about computers in the movies

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.If you display a file on the…

  • Letters to God from kids

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Dear God,Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?NormaDear God,Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?JaneDear God,Who draws the lines around the countries?NanDear God,I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church.…

  • Microsoft humour (even though it pains me to send)…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Windows 98 is a 32 bit patch to a 16 bit GUI based platform on an 8 bit operating system, written for a 4 bit processor by a 2 bit company which can not stand 1 bit of competition.Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be…