Dr Wingnut

Category: Humor

  • If Edgar Allen Poe Had a Computer instead of a Raven. . .

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in ,

    Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,Systems manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,Longing for the warmth of bed sheets,Still I sat there doing spreadsheets:Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer.Typing with steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command,and waited for the disk to…

  • Kissing rules

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    The Lovers of the Heart In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.Article 1: Statement of Love — The KissKiss on the hand…. I adore you.Kiss on the cheek… I just want to be friends.Kiss on the neck… I want you.Kiss on…

  • McDonald's Fast Food Job Application

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM!  (editor's note: I would have hired him too!!)NAME: Greg BulmashDESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a…

  • Mouse repair bulletin

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    This is an actual alert to IBM field engineers that went out to all IBM branch offices.  The person who wrote it was very serious.  The rest of us, find it very funny.Abstract: Mouse Balls available as FRUMouse Balls are now available as FRU.  Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should perform erratically,…

  • Norm Peterson Quotes

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    If you ever wished you could remember Norm's greetings on "Cheers" here you go.SAM: "What's shaking Norm?"NORM: "All four cheeks & a couple of chins."SAM: "What's new Normie?"NORM: "Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."SAM: "What'd you like Normie?"NORM: "A reason to live.  Give me another beer."SAM: "What'll you have Normie?"NORM:…

  • POLITICALLY CORRECT WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE IS STUPID

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    A few fries short of a happy meal.The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.Forgot to pay his brain bill.A…

  • REAL STORIES OF THE NON-TECHNICALLY INCLINED

    —

    by

    Dr Wingnut
    in

    I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not understand why his computer would not turn on.1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say…