Category: Humor

Are your investments in order? Below are some of the latest rumors from Wall Street. In the wake of the AOL/Time Warner deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:Federal Express and UPS merge to become: FED UP.Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become:…

The top 40 things you would never hear a Southerner say, no matter how much they’ve had to drink, no matter how far from the South they’ve wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening..40. Oh I just couldn’t, hell, she’s only sixteen.39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.38. Duct tape won’t fix…

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly.  He was 71.Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin.  Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many more.The graveside was…

On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with 5 aliens crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch outside of Roswell, New Mexico—an incident, it is believed by many, which was covered-up by the government.On March 31, 1948—9 months to the day, Al Gore was born.Coincidence?via eMail, Fri, 7 Jan 2000 19:27:26 -0600

Dad: Son, come in here, we need to talk.Son: What's up, Dad?Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car," that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car.Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove…

From a bathroom stall (excuse me, a “loo”) in London: I’m into S&M, bestiality, and necrophilia, or am I just beating a dead horse?via eMail, Sun, 2 Jan 2000 17:56:43 -0600

A man was leaving a 7-11 with his morning coffee and newspaper when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind…