City of Ellensburg Visitors Information

For those of you not up on the geography of Washington, Ellensburg is a mid sized town in Eastern Washington, known mainly for the incessant wind, Central Washington University (John Kitna's Alma Mater) and the aroma wafting forth from the stockyards on the west end of town. (Whoever planned that was really thinking; the prevailing winds come directly out of the west). Think of it as the Northwest's version of Fort Worth.

P.S. Ellensburg is rapidly becoming almost a suburb of Seattle. Lots of west-siders moving over here for cheap land and housing.

The Ellensburg Tourism Department

This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the City of Ellensburg.

  1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
  2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.
  3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
  4. Any references to "corn-fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked…by our women.
  5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.
  6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up your ass if we don't shoot it first.
  7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
  8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes unsweetened in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
  9. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
  10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
  11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
  12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
  13. Yeah, we eat catfish, Northern, walleye and turtle too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
  14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 90 & Interstate 82 go two ways….get on one of them.
  15. The "Opener" refers to the first days of fishing and deer season. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.
  16. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
  17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

Enjoy life and Welcome to Ellensburg.

via eMail, Thu, 14 Feb 2002 12:13:31 -0500