FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES"

02/14/2000 Dr Wingnut Humor Comments Off on FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES"
  • According to Movie Life magazine, Ann Margaret would like to start having babies, soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
    PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town.
  • What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't?
    PAUL LYNDE: They give milk…and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies.
  • Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant?
  • When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
    CHARLEY WEAVER: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
  • Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet.
  • Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?
    PAUL LYNNE: An engagement ring.
  • According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What?
    CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking.
  • True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
    CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.
  • You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?
    PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride.
  • If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
    CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
  • Do female frogs croak?
    PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little heads under water.
  • You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping me awake.
  • True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.
    PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.
  • According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?
    PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some?
  • Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
    JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
  • Question: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
    PAUL LYNDE: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.
via eMail, Mon, 14 Feb 2000 16:48:09 -0600