- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- Support bacteria – they're the only culture some people have.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
- I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
- Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
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