New Computer Virus Alert

  • Ellen Degeneres virus… Your IBM suddenly insists it's a MAC
  • Monica Lewinsky virus… Sucks all the memory out of your computer
  • Titanic virus… Makes your whole computer go down
  • Disney virus… Everything in the computer goes Goofy
  • Mike Tyson virus … Quits after one byte
  • Prozac virus … Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care
  • Sharon Stone virus … Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.
  • Lorena Bobbit virus … Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy
  • Tim Allen virus … Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact
  • Woody Allen virus … Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card
  • Saddam Hussein virus … Won't let you into any of your programs
  • Tonya Harding virus … Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
  • George Michaels virus … Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup
  • Joey Buttafuoco virus … Only attacks minor files
  • X-files virus … All your Icons start shape shifting
  • Spice Girl virus … Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop
  • Ronald Reagan virus … Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored
  • Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus … Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them
  • Sony Bono virus… Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of nowhere
  • Martha Stewart virus … Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop
  • Oprah Winfrey virus … Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB
  • AT&T virus… Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting
  • MCI virus … Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus