| Temperature | What others do | What New Englander’s do |
|---|---|---|
| +60 | New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. | People in New England plant gardens. |
| +50 | Californians shiver uncontrollably. | People in New England sunbathe. |
| +40 | Italian cars won’t start. | People in New England drive with the windows down. |
| +32 | Distilled water freezes. | Moosehead Lake’s water gets thicker. |
| +20 | Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats. | People in New England throw on a flannel shirt. |
| +15 | New York landlords finaly turn up the heat. | People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold. |
| Zero | People in Miami all die… | New Englanders close the windows. |
| -10 | Californians fly away to Mexico. | People in New England get out their winter coats. |
| -25 | Hollywood disintegrates. | The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door. |
| -40 | Washington DC runs out of hot air. | People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors. |
| -100 | Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. | New Englanders get frustrated because they can’t start the “Kah.” |
| -460 | ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). | People in New England start saying “Cold ’nuff for ya?” |
| -500 | Hell freezes over. | New England Patriots win the Super Bowl and the Red Sox win the World Series. |
See also Temperature Guide for the Minnesota Version.