Day: August 3, 2000

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, and he heard a loud voice ask him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. Then the loud voice said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.He said "this person…

12% on Monday23% on Tuesday40% on Wednesday20% on Thursday5% on FridayAnd remember… When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.Now get back to work!!

GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY OF THIS:The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen.  Kissing should only be…

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years.  The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would…

Administrative MemoTo all Employees: The beatings will continue until morale improves.Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:Buying a stronger whip.Changing riders.Say things like, "This is the way we…

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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for six years and have five kids.  No twins.  My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the morning too.  I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that is his hobby.DEAR ABBY: Will you please rush me the name of a…