Dr Wingnut

Month: August 2000

  • Humor Debunking…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.  So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over.  When…

  • HRH Elizabeth II

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    The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a…

  • How to write a specification

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    Dr Wingnut
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    The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.  That's an exceedingly odd number.  Why was that gauge used?Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.  Why did the English people build them like that?Because the first rail lines were…

  • How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.  Always wear them one day after your boss does.  (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.)Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names.  “That’s…

  • HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE

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    Dr Wingnut
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    At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.Insist that your e mail address be “Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.”In the memo field of all your checks, write, “for sexual favors”Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with…

  • How to impress the genders

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    Dr Wingnut
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    How to impress a women:Compliment herCuddle herKiss herCaress herLove herStroke herTease herComfort herProtect herHug herHold herSpend money on herDine herBuy things for herListen to herCare for herStand by herSupport herGo to the ends of the earth for herHow to impress a man:Show up nakedBring Beer

  • How to Give a Pill to a Cat

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and…