Author: Dr Wingnut
-
COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM
by Kevin ButlerDescribe your problem:__________________________________________Now, describe the problem accurately:__________________________________________Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:____________________________________________________________________________________Problem Severity:Minor __Minor __Minor __Trivial __Nature of the problem:Locked Up __Frozen __Hung __Strange Smell __Is your computer plugged in?Yes __No __Is it turned on?Yes __No __Have you tried to fix it yourself?Yes __No __Have you made it worse?Yes __Have you…
-
Computing Definitions
AlphaSoftware undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."BetaSoftware undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."ComputerInstrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised…
-
CONGRESS PASSES AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT
WASHINGTON, DC-On Tuesday, Congress approved the Americans With No Abilities Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans.The act, signed into law by President Clinton shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon millions of U.S. citizens who lack any…
-
Computer Jargon!
When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like "data input" and "beta version." They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained…
-
College Letter
Dear Mom and Dad:It has been four months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. Don't read any further unless you are sitting down … OK?Good. I am…
-
Clinton joke
Last week there was a very important meeting between God, Moses, and the Pope. They were troubled because of the way President Clinton was behaving. They decided that the only course of action was to create an 11th Commandment to get their message across.The problem was how to word it so it matched the other…
-
College Entrance Exam
University of IllinoisEntrance examFootball player versionTime limit: 3 weeksWhat language is spoken in France?Give a dissertation on the Ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions – or – give the first name of Pierre Tudeau.Would you ask William Shakespeare to:Build a bridgeSail the oceanLead an armyWrite a playWhat religion…