Category: Humor

A guy goes into the employment office in Columbus.  Not many jobs and it doesn’t take him very long, of course.Then, just as he’s about to give up and go away, he spots something.“Wanted”, it says.  “Single man, willing to travel, must have own scissors.  $500 a week guaranteed, plus company car and all expenses.”Well,…

Get that abortion you’ve always wanted. Drink a nice clean glass of water. Cash your Social Security check. See a doctor of your own choosing. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter. Get that gas mask you’ve been putting off buying. Hoard gasoline. Borrow books…

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.  You lie a great deal.  You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid.  Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.  You enjoy sucking cock.Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 19) You have a vivid imagination and often think…

Number OneI am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.  Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. …

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.Secret…Guys feel left out.  That’s right…left out.There’s no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. …

Hello, is this the DEA?”“Yes.  What can I do for you?”“I’m calling to report about my neighbor Virgil Smith.“He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”The next day, the DEA agents descend on Virgil’s house.They search the shed where the firewood is kept.  Using axes, they bust open every…

Walking into the bar, Mike said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman.”“Oh yeah?” said Greg, “And how did this one end?”“When it was over,” Mike replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.”“Really?  Now that’s a switch!  What did she say?”She said,…