Category: Humor

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.  "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.  In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.  However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."A voice from the back of the room piped…

Herewith, a handy guide for decoding the real meaning behind the phrases commonly used in personal adsTranslations for ads by men:40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-oldAthletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPNAverage-looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & backEducated: Will always treat you like an idiotFree Spirit: Sleeps with your sisterFriendship first: As…

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston…Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.  He was hurt in the growing part.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on…

A lawyer married a woman who had previously been married twelve times. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel, and the bride said to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle; I'm still a virgin."This puzzled the groom, since, after twelve marriages, he thought that at least one…

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to keep her company at home.  She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.  She…

It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don't get opened too often.Repel mosquitoes.  Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.Eliminate static electricity from your television screen.  Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of…

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.It's only unethical if you get caught.The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cutsDoing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen…