Category: Humor

What he saysWhat he means"Was it good for you?""I'm insecure about my manhood." "I want a commitment.""I'm sick of masturbation."I had a wonderful time last night.""Who the hell are you?" "I've been thinking a lot.""You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.""I'll give you a call.""I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild…

Here are the winning entries from a recent contest for "New Scientific Theories."THE RUNNERS-UP:4th Runner UpThe earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to…

These are actual instructions on actual labels!ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESSERTDo not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDINGProduct will be hot after heatingON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRONDo not Iron clothes on bodyON BOOT'S CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINEDo not drive car or operate machineryON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)Warning:…

John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers.Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be foundhard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, withoutwasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob neverthinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he alwaysfinishes…

Have you ever watched kidsOn a merry-go-round?Or listened to the rainSlapping on the ground?Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?You better slow down.Don't dance so fast.Time is short.The music won't last.Do you run through each day on the fly?When you ask "How are you?"Do you hear the reply?When…

Costello: Hey, Abbott!Abbott: Yes, Lou?Costello: I just got my first computer.Abbott: That's great, Lou. What did you get?Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.Abbott: That's terrific, Lou.Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!Abbott: You will in time.Costello: That's exactly why I'm…

FACT: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On…