Category: Humor
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THERE'S NO SAFE SEX
Man's penis cut off by vacuum cleanerLong Branch, New Jersey — Police say a New Jersey man trying to have sex with a vacuum cleaner nearly bled to death.Authorities say the machine cut off a-half inch of his penis.A Long Branch city spokesman says the unidentified man was drunk when it happened.He first told police…
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Top 34 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO
Pedal-powered dialysis machines.Use of antibotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure."Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace."You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.Annual breast exam conducted at hooters.Exam room has a tip jar.You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on…
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Welcome to Boston
You know you’re from Boston if…You think of Philadelphia as the midwest.You think it’s your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R’s).You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.All your pets are named after Celtics or Bruins.You refer to…
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Winders 98 Alert
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Appalachian edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of the Appalachian area.If you have one of the West Virginia editions, you may need some help understanding the commands. This edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It…
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A Holiday Wish
He laid her on the tableSo white clean and bare.His forehead wet with beads of sweatHe rubbed her here and there.He touched her neck, then her breastAnd then drooling, felt her thigh.The slit was wet and all was set,He gave a joyous cry.The hole was wide…he looked insideAll was dark and murky.He rubbed his hands…
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At the pharmacy
A father and his son go into the grocery store, when they happen upon the condom isle.The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.The father replies: "Well, you see the 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday…
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Bumper snickers…
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.I pretend to work. They…