Category: Humor
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HRH Elizabeth II
The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a…
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Just a thought
The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and…
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Make good use of your time
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results."I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and yo u don't have much time left.""Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc.…
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More Evidence That This World Is Full Of Complete Idiots:
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety…
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New perspective on Baseball
In 1921 Babe Ruth hit 59 home runs in 152 games played.In 1927 Babe Ruth hit 60 home runs in 151 games played.As of 19 Sep 1999:In 1999 Sammy Sosa has hit 59 home runs in 140 games played so far.In 1999 Mark McGuire has hit 54 home runs in 135 games played so far.The…
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Plain English
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."A voice from the back of the room piped…
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Reading Between the Lines: Personals
Herewith, a handy guide for decoding the real meaning behind the phrases commonly used in personal adsTranslations for ads by men:40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-oldAthletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPNAverage-looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & backEducated: Will always treat you like an idiotFree Spirit: Sleeps with your sisterFriendship first: As…