Category: Humor

January 1, 2000Re: Vacation PayDear Valued Employee:Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s).  As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.  One additional week is granted for every 5 years of…

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the…

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced…

In answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?"I submit the following:Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game:$10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!Assuming he sleeps 7 hours…

Ushers will eat newcomers.During the absence of our pastor, we enjoy the rare priviledge of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.The chior will meet at the Larsen house for fun ans sinning.Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.  It is a good…

Demotivators

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiousity.I would not allow this employee to breed.This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.Works well when under constant supervision and…