Category: Humor

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results."I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and yo u don't have much time left.""Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc.…

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety…

In 1921 Babe Ruth hit 59 home runs in 152 games played.In 1927 Babe Ruth hit 60 home runs in 151 games played.As of 19 Sep 1999:In 1999 Sammy Sosa has hit 59 home runs in 140 games played so far.In 1999 Mark McGuire has hit 54 home runs in 135 games played so far.The…

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.  "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.  In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.  However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."A voice from the back of the room piped…

Herewith, a handy guide for decoding the real meaning behind the phrases commonly used in personal adsTranslations for ads by men:40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-oldAthletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPNAverage-looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & backEducated: Will always treat you like an idiotFree Spirit: Sleeps with your sisterFriendship first: As…

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston…Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.  He was hurt in the growing part.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on…

A lawyer married a woman who had previously been married twelve times. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel, and the bride said to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle; I'm still a virgin."This puzzled the groom, since, after twelve marriages, he thought that at least one…