William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance. Schmidt's Observation: All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
Nowlan's Theory: He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.
Van Roy's Law: Honesty is the best policy – there's less competition.
Van Roy's Truism: Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond your control.
Agnes' Law: Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
Goda's Truism: By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
Johnny Carson's Definition: The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
Wilner's Observation: All conversations with a potato should be conducted in private.
The Phone Booth Rule: A lone dime always gets the number nearly right.
Stale's Law: No matter how careful one is in resealing the inner liner in a cereal box, it will tear where it is glued to the box.
Ettore's Observation: The other line moves faster.
Griffin's Thought: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Cann's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Macaluso's Doctrine: You've never been as sick as just before you stop breathing.
Knebel's Law: It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of theleading causes of statistics.
The Law of Selective Gravity, or the Buttered-Side Down Law: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.via eMail, Tue, 1 Feb 2000 21:47:41 -0600