Category: Humor

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.  After almost 24 hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.  They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get…

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.I AM in shape. Round's a shape.I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.Did you ever notice when you…

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and…

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball,…

Great truths about life that little children have learnedNo matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back.  They always catch the second person.Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.You can’t trust…

"Squawks" are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.  Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.(P) Test flight OK,…

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.OK, so what's the speed of dark?Support bacteria – they're the only culture some people have.Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.Ambition is a poor excuse for…