- …Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
- …Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
- …Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
- …Blenders.
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
- …Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
- …Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
- …Curling irons.
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
- …Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
- …High heels.
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
- …Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
- …Lawn Mowers.
If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.
- …Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
- …Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
- …Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
- …Mini skirts.
If you’re not careful, they’ll creep up your legs.
- …Noodles.
They’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
- …Parking spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.
- …Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
- …Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
- …Placemats.
They only show up when there’s food on the table.
- …Snowstorms.
You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long he will last.
- …Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
- …Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
- …Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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