Category: Humor

His baloney has a first name,It's "I – did – not – inhale."His baloney has a second name:"I – wasn't – getting – tail."He loves to sling it every day . . .,The White House people all just say . . .,That Billy Clinton has – a – wayOf mak – ing bullshit sound O…

by Kevin ButlerDescribe your problem:__________________________________________Now, describe the problem accurately:__________________________________________Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:____________________________________________________________________________________Problem Severity:Minor __Minor __Minor __Trivial __Nature of the problem:Locked Up __Frozen __Hung __Strange Smell __Is your computer plugged in?Yes __No __Is it turned on?Yes __No __Have you tried to fix it yourself?Yes __No __Have you made it worse?Yes __Have you…

A lady went to her priest one day and told him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired."They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'""That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.  Then he thought…

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.  After almost 24 hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.  They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get…

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.I AM in shape. Round's a shape.I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.Did you ever notice when you…

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and…

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball,…