Category: Humor

How to impress a women:Compliment herCuddle herKiss herCaress herLove herStroke herTease herComfort herProtect herHug herHold herSpend money on herDine herBuy things for herListen to herCare for herStand by herSupport herGo to the ends of the earth for herHow to impress a man:Show up nakedBring Beer

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.""You…

=====================================LIGHTING CHARCOAL GRILLSorWHY ENGINEERS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE…Our subject today is lighting charcoal grills.  One of our favorite charcoal grill lighters is a guy named George Goble (really!!), a computer person in the Purdue University engineering department. Each year, Goble and a bunch of other engineers hold a picnic in West Lafayette, Indiana, at…

The year 2000 dilemma is solved.This memo is to announce the development of a new software system.We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting…

Ellen Degeneres virus… Your IBM suddenly insists it's a MACMonica Lewinsky virus… Sucks all the memory out of your computerTitanic virus… Makes your whole computer go downDisney virus… Everything in the computer goes GoofyMike Tyson virus … Quits after one byteProzac virus … Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't careSharon Stone virus ……

Our lager,Which art in barrels,Hallowed be thy drink.Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),At home as it is in the tavern.Give us this day our foamy head,And forgive us our spillages,As we forgive those who spill against us.And lead us not to incarceration,But deliver us from hangovers.For thine is the beer, The bitter, The…

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DEThe best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, ILIf you can piss this high, join the fire department.On the…